Make the punishment fit the crime. That was one of the best pieces of parenting guidance I ever received. However, I'd like to pass it on with an addendum: Make the punishment fit the perpetrator of the crime as well.
We had a "crime" in our family yesterday. I thought and thought about my response to the situation. I think my response was and is correct. It is a month's grounding with certain exceptions of MY choosing. It is serious enough for the "perp" to understand the seriousness of the "crime" but tempered with mercy for the "perp" does not often get into trouble.
As I have, in essence, "two families"--a set of older kids, and a pair of younger kids, I am often assailed with, "You are so easy on them! You were so much stricter with us" complaints from the older kids. Imagine my surprise when today I received a phone call from one of the older kids seeking leniency for the current "perp"! Seems I still can't get it right!
Just you wait...you'll get your turn to wait up and worry! [Not a "mother's curse" merely stating a fact :) ]
9 comments:
dude, am I glad I don't have a curfew anymore...
Ok, I'm seriously out of the loop. I want to know what's going on. By Erica's comment and the fact that you said the "perp" rarely gets in trouble, I'm assuming it's R. So, what'd he do, huh? Huh? I wanna know! Hmm. Maybe I'll call you tomorrow. :)
What happens when you run out of punishments to fit the unique crimes of your very inventive daughter? hee hee. This made me chuckle, just because I can see where my inventive daughter will lead me in the future. :)
See, the reason I called to complain is that I don't think the punishment DID fit the crime! I think you were completely way too harsh, like I told you. I also seem to remember mentioning that I did a lot worse, a lot more times, and I wasn't punished so severely. If you want the punishment to fit the crime, then do it. But remember who the "perp" is and what the crime *really* is, then have the punishment.
Oh, and by you deciding to make exceptions, that's fine, but knowing this particular perp, it's not as if he is going to be asking you or letting you know about things he's going to miss by being grounded. So you won't be giving any exceptions to the grounding. He will take the punishment you hand out and serive it durifully. You have never had an easier child.
Once again, I plead... ease up a bit on this punishment.
I'm not even going to talk about the unfairness of you leniency towards most things, particularily with a certain younger sibling of mine. But this youngest one... he deserves it. Mostly.
TC--dude, I 'm glad you don't either--makes my life MUCH simpler!
Lura--you ARE out of the loop on this one--give me a call!
goofyj--the trick is too ALWAYS be nore inventive than the "perp" in this case, my son Sigh.
OK, Angel, give--and WAS Sariah there?
Sariah, No matter what I do, not everyone will be pleased. So I have decided that I will handle this my way. He is my child. And I will try really really hard not to criticize strong punishments you give my grandchildren--and you will [I hope] at various needful times.
And one reason R has been my easiest child is simply because when he does do the rare "crime" I land on him like a ton of bricks--and the rest of the time I am pretty darn easy on him!
No, I was not involved in the big roll with Angel. I remember it very clearly. We were all at Tracie's house, watching movies. I was supposed to go home with you, but wasn't ready to go when you wanted to leave. We were just starting Beauty and the Beast when a strange car pulled up to the house. There was Angel... in chock, mind you! She had just rolled her car not far up the road. We had to get a hold of Angel's parents who were at a party. I called Mom, who took Tara and me home. We specifically drove by where the roll happened. It was horrifying. Tara and I were both crying and were so thankful that Angel was okay!!
Oh Mom, I'm just trying to be an advocate here for fair punishment! Lighten up on my little bro! Poor guy is plenty punished just by recieving the punishment. And the fact that we are all talking about it so much. so there.
I love you dearly!! :)
hehehe this cracks me up. I'm curious what "R" did, but the good cop daughter vs. bad cop mom makes me smile. Me and my siblings always fought for easier punishments on each other too :) Now that we're older we always tell stories of what we got away with when my parents weren't paying attention and they're probably thinking that they should have been harder on us haha
Sariah and Angel, Now that the incident is explained...I do recall it. Very scarey.
FS Thank you, thank you, thank you!
What R did was more what he didn't...let me know what was going on. He had [with permission] spent the night at a friend's house. The next day [Mom] he didn't come home...he didn't call...7:))pm I tried to locate him to no avail. 8:30 ditto. 10:00PM I had Erica take me searching...we eventually located him and drove home about 11:30PM!!! Totally out of character. And I do not want that character to change! Hence my response. And I am sticking to it, though there are certain exceptions so that the real punishment means missed get togethes on the regular Fridays three times, two of which he'd miss anyway fo other feasons. So, not so onerous as it sounded,eh Sariah?
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